Standing Still
by southern cross
Summary: Charlie made the decision and now those who stood behind him are moving forward.


It bothered me that the fallout from Charlie's decision was not as big a deal as I thought it should or would be. So I worked it out in my own way. Also I included my favorite couple and if you squint you can see it at the end. I own nothing and mean no harm. Please let me know if it's working for you.

* * *

The changes were gradual at first. Little things that slipped by him and really, he was never that aware of what was passing him by, preferring the scenes inside his mind than that of his surroundings. But then if he had been paying closer attention could he have prevented things? Would he have even been able to?

There were no easy answers to those questions or the hundreds of other ones he had and that reality scared him. He did answers the best.

After his arrest there had been a flurry of activity. His Father and Brother had been supportive, his friends and colleagues had risen to his defense. Amita had been there. Never tiring in her quest to keep him calm and get him free. It had felt good; he had felt that what was right would win. And it had.

The thought still warmed him, knowing that what he had done had been brave and true. As word had spread through the campus, people had begun to take notice, debates had raged, petitions had been signed and perhaps some changes would come as to how his country treated the intellectual property of its inhabitants. A great thing had happened and for that he had been proud.

Maybe a month later, maybe it wasn't that long; the first signs of discontent began to show. Of course it had started with Don; most of the chaos in his life had started with his big brother. There had been a case a big one, one for the record books, and Don had been on edge. Irritable to everyone around him, even Larry had taken note of Don's peevishness.

Regardless of the steps, and the toll on those around him, Don had pulled through, scoring a big time blow against the bad of the world, and once again all had been well Eppes household.

Looking back he should have noticed things, everyone's hindsight was clearer, yes, but his was absolutely pristine. There had been the phone calls at first, Larry had begun to text message at an alarming rate and Amita had changed the password on her voice mail to something short and hidden from him. Yes, those had all been signs that he had rationalized and dismissed; Larry missed Meghan, Amita was establishing boundaries now that they had seriously begun to talk about moving in together.

But then the lunches had begun to get cut short, or dinners had to be rescheduled, and even his Father had not been immune to such moments.

There had been a time when he had spent hours and hours alone in the house and hadn't realized until they were well and gone.

Yes, it had been gradual.

Hardly noticed and easily ignored.

And then it had come.

Another big case. Lives hanging in the balance, the answers needed that could sway their odds, and Don had reached out for help. Had reached out to Larry and Amita and they had not said no.

It had been so strange at first, puzzling aloud as to their absence only to have his Father rather reluctantly informing him of their whereabouts. The reluctance made sense now, he could see why his Father might have not wanted to tell him, that his Father, ever astute had seen the cracks and could see in his engineering mind where the fissure would spread.

Of course he had not seen it yet, had only been surprised and a little indignant that he had not been informed, but really he had not given much thought to the events as they were playing out around him.

Another win, another happy day, and he too had celebrated had been genuinely proud of his love and his friend, and had toasted their success. If there were looks exchanged around the table he hadn't noticed them. If Amita had shivered more than once during the meal, he could blame the weather, after all summer was over and autumn was staring down on them.

Don had tried, really, really tried at first. No doubt encouraged by their Father and his then girlfriend. Their relationship had always been a fragile thing, but he had tried and so he had in return. They had come together for food and for televised sport and it had been comfortable. Strained, but comfortable.

But then the fallout had come.

Happened gradually over one rainy and nasty weekend. The break-up had come first. Not surprising, given Don's record, and then the inevitable blow up with his Father, to be expected, and so far on track for the historical repetition. His turn had come late Sunday, and there were surprisingly few words exchanged, and really that had made it so much worse. There had been a sigh and a look and the slightest droop of his big Brother's shoulders and he was gone. Slipping out of the house before words would be said that could not be withdrawn and so the freeze out had begun.

As far as he knew it was the last time Don had been at the house while he had been in attendance.

God, it had hurt.

Yes, he loved his big brother and the rejection had cut him, but really nothing that much changed in his daily routine.

So what then did that say about him? That he was a person who could lose a family member and move on unaffected after the loss.

But then he had begun the rationalization. There would reconciliation eventually, the Eppes boys would come together again, and he had taken comfort in that thought and let Don go.

For a time things had been OK. Not good, not bad, but OK.

And then it had exploded.

As per usual he was caught unawares and completely rolled over by the circumstances. Coming from left field he had not been in any way prepared for what had come.

The FBI was stretched to its limits. Meghan had come back, drawing on her profiling experience Don had called in her in and such had been the crime that she had come in without hesitation. Larry had been swept right in lending his skills and ideas as best he could. Larry had called in Amita and it had been two full days until he had caught another glimpse of her. Even his Father had been requisitioned. The fact that he knew the city was as much a bonus as the fact that Don trusted him.

Only he had been left at home.

Left to work on his theories and go over papers and prepare lectures. He had had house all to himself, had reveled in the complete quiet and calm, work had gone smoothly, tasks accomplished with ease.

He had never been more miserable.

Every blind second that had passed had been more difficult than the one before it. Because it had happened, what he supposed everyone already knew, they were moving on and he was being left behind.

The first few times he had been brave enough to ask questions the replies were sympathetic, hardly revealing, but Colby and David had been kind.

Not too much later their eyes wouldn't meet his and their words were as short and terse as he had ever heard them.

He hadn't talked to David or Colby in ages.

Christmas was a grim affair. Amita had once joked that as a couple, being Jewish and Buddhist, they should come together and have the greatest and gaudiest of Christmases.

Those plans had fallen through quite spectacularly.

Larry had tried to be a mediator, had stood stoically next to his Father as he asked again and again where Amita was.

They had not had an answer for him. Could only repeat what she had told them, not him, them, that she needed some hours to clear her head. Had chosen the Christmas minutes accidentally and no, they didn't know where she was.

That Don had been missing too was not something Alan had revealed. He had only discovered that much later. Too much later.

And so the tone had been set for the upcoming New Year.

Not a way he wanted to enter a prime year, so he had taken initiative, had made plans and alternate ones. Had bribed and begged until the most romantic, most spectacular finale to the year was set.

Everything had been perfect.

All his plans had moved along without a hitch and for the first time he felt strong and in control and confident that everything would be OK.

Funny thing about having plans and being confident.

When it all goes horribly wrong it hurts spectacularly.

The one thing he had not planned for, the one variable he had factored in; Amita had not shown up.

Oh, the message had been delivered, he would have trusted no one other than Larry with such a task, but he had passed into 2009 all alone.

All alone.

God, he had been hurt. Hurt and hurt and hurt and then it had twisted into anger. White hot anger the likes of which he had never felt before, he had not known Eppes men were capable of it. Had seen that fire in Don's eyes many times, but never once had he felt such anger.

The anger had pushed aside logic, the hurt had masked common sense, the adrenaline had loosened his tongue and it had been a bloodbath.

He had ranted and he had raved and had accused and cursed and she had stood there. Gorgeous and strong, he remembered now that her eyes had been glassy with tears, but he had been in such a state that he had not noticed them, had not seen her heart breaking until it was too late.

Too late to step away, too late to avoid the words that were about to be thrown back at him. For she had accusations of her own, had curses upon reprimands stored up in his name. And her aim had been right and true.

Had he thought of how their lives would change after the email? Had he considered all the people he wouldn't be able to help after it was sent? Did he know that she had been too late with her results that the child had died anyway?

His mind had taken a pit stop there, he remembered reading about the abductions, and the thirteen year old body they had found raped and beaten, the missing eleven year old sister had been the talk of the county. The authorities had been too late in both cases; both girls had died of their wounds, the suicides of their devastated parents following shortly after.

Had he thought about all the cases he wouldn't be able to work on? No. No. NO.

He had not once thought about what would really happen after his clearance was revoked. Had never practically looked at the lives of those around him, that while he might be barred from the FBI, practically every one around him still carried a pass.

A pass to help, a pass to save, a pass that he didn't have anymore.

Had he considered that in helping a colleague that in standing up for a principal, people would die?

No.

The thought had never even occurred to him.

And when she had seen that truth on his face, well that had been it, the end.

Calmly, quietly, she had ended things, two hours into the prime year; there was no more Amita and Charlie.

The end.

He had driven home in a daze.

Too stunned to see the lights on, to numb to notice his Father helping him into the house, Larry easing him onto the couch.

He hadn't moved for three days.

Larry had tried to explain, had try to put, in that abstract way of his, just how horrific it had been, how much they could have used his help.

There had been clarity at the end, yes, but then there was the guilt. It bogged him down, he was drowning in it, and it had been up to his Father to help him find his way out.

The biggest surprise had been the reappearance of his brother.

Don had been there that second week of 2009, been there for meals and recorded games, and while tense and slightly awkward it had been nice. Was still nice.

There had been a change in Don, he had not known at the time what the cause of the change could possibly be, but even he had noticed it. He still didn't talk about work or his love life; it was nice to just have him around, the pressure on his chest eased slightly when Don was in the house.

The lives they were living were different, his focus was solely on academics, Larry and Meghan were talking about a summer wedding, and his Father had begun dating again and was fully enrolled in classes now.

Amita was a figure hovering on the very edge of his life now. At one time she had been at that central center of his life outside his head, and now, now she was a stranger he passed in the hall, sat across from at meetings, and nothing he could think have made it better.

There was no 'friends' for them. She had begun dating again, had heard Larry whispering on his cell one afternoon about it to Meghan, and while his curiosity had been piqued, he had not had the courage to ask.

He could have asked his Dad, he still talked to Amita often, but again he had been too much of a coward.

Don was dating too, and for that fact he had not needed to spy, his Brother had a bounce in his step when he was trying to date. An outward sign that he was trying to be something he maybe wasn't and so far it seemed to be working for him.

So, they had all moved on, had all begun to live their lives. Gradually, painfully, he was beginning to live his own life, and while it was not one he imagined himself with, he could shrug and blame no one but himself for the place he was in.

Looking back there was so much he would have changed. Places and instances when he would have done this or that differently.

The changes had been gradual at first, little things had turned into big things; signs he missed led to impassable chasms.

He paid more attention now, was far more careful about what he could be missing, and maybe that was why he was far more prepared for the party at Don's new house, a gaudy, Christmas party open to all denominations.

He could only guess what revelations 2010 would bring.


End file.
